Michelle Bachmann Announces Retirement

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

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Mexico Weaponizes Salsa

NukeSalsa

UN calls for moratorium on SMD (sauces of mass destruction). President Obama says he was unaware of the deadly condiment until he saw it on the news. Karl Rove calls revelation the biggest disaster in his lifetime. House GOP vows to investigate the administration’s involvement with sending cilantro to Mexico City.

Poll: 29% Think Armed Struggle Is Coming In U.S.

In another poll conducted at the same time, 71% of Americans were found not to be batshit crazy. Also, of the 29% found to think armed revolution may be needed, 100% thought the Boston Marathon bombers were wrong to attack other Americans. The poll also found that 100% were inconsistent in their thinking. And they don’t vote or read, or actually have any real idea of what is going on in the world around them.

CERN To Reconstruct World’s First Web Page

(Click the image for the full story at CERN.ch)

(Click the image for the full story at CERN.ch)

To celebrate the twentieth anniversary of the World Wide Web CERN will reconstruct the very first Web page ever published back in 1993. A team of translators and digital archaeologists have determined that the page reads “ERROR 404: The tablet you have requested is unavailable. Reasons for this may include the tablet is being re-inscribed, the tablet was dropped and is broken, or there may be too many people trying to read the tablet. Please try again later.”