Michelle Bachmann Announces Retirement

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Fox Parent Company Knew Of Subpoena In 2010

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

DOJ Investigated Fox News Employee

McCain Criticizes Obama Position On AUMF

(Click the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

Arias Tried To Make Sentencing Deal With Jury

(Click the image to read the full story at CNN.com)

Mexico Weaponizes Salsa

UN calls for moratorium on SMD (sauces of mass destruction). President Obama says he was unaware of the deadly condiment until he saw it on the news. Karl Rove calls revelation the biggest disaster in his lifetime. House GOP vows to investigate the administration’s involvement with sending cilantro to Mexico City.

Readers’ Digest Poll: Kristen Stewart Is Least Trusted Movie Star

(Click the image for the full story at FoxNews.com)

President’s Approval Rating Unaffected By Scandals

(Click the image for the full story at CNN.com)

President Obama Denies Knowledge Of Scandals

CBS News: GOP Played Doctor With Administration Emails

(Click the image to read the full story at ThinkProgress.org)

Maybe The New Version Of Windows 8 Will Fix This

Rubio Calls For Non-Existent Person To Resign

(Click the image to read the full story at PoliticusUSA.com)

Viewers’ Reactions To New 3D “Great Gatsby”

They’ll Just Have To Keep Digging Until There’s No Dirt Left

(Click the image to read the full story at FoxNews.com)

14-Year-Old’s Study Shows iPad 2 Can Interfere With Pacemakers

(Click the image for the full story at FoxNews.com)

U.N. Just Says No To Killer Robots

(Click the image for the full story at FoxNews.com)

Shanna Moakler Says Breast Feeding Is “Incestual”

(Click the image for the full story at FoxNews.com)

Justice Thomas: Obama Approved By “Elites”

(Click the image to read the full story on CNN.com)

Fox News: Washington Man Wounds Home Invader

Police released this image of the intruder, who they say drove a suspiciously large truck to the house. (Click the image for the full story at FoxNews.com)

NRA Holds Annual Meeting In Houston

Now aren’t you sorry you missed it?

Poll: 29% Think Armed Struggle Is Coming In U.S.

In another poll conducted at the same time, 71% of Americans were found not to be batshit crazy. Also, of the 29% found to think armed revolution may be needed, 100% thought the Boston Marathon bombers were wrong to attack other Americans. The poll also found that 100% were inconsistent in their thinking. And they don’t vote or read, or actually have any real idea of what is going on in the world around them.

If Mr. Ed Was Working Today

If Mr. Ed was working today he’d be co-starring with Angelina Jolie

CERN To Reconstruct World’s First Web Page

(Click the image for the full story at CERN.ch)

To celebrate the twentieth anniversary of the World Wide Web CERN will reconstruct the very first Web page ever published back in 1993. A team of translators and digital archaeologists have determined that the page reads “ERROR 404: The tablet you have requested is unavailable. Reasons for this may include the tablet is being re-inscribed, the tablet was dropped and is broken, or there may be too many people trying to read the tablet. Please try again later.”