Tag Archives: CNN

Apr 14 2012

Gingrich Disses Fox News, Talks-Up CNN

Soon-to-be ex-presidential candidate Newt "Who Needs Me Now?" Gingrich said Fox News has been biased against him throughout his campaign, while "Callista and I both believe CNN is less biased than Fox this year".

Feb 23 2012

Candidates Out-Conservative Each Other At Arizona Debate

GOP candidates Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, and Newt "I Can Reach It!" Gingrich prepare to establish their conservative cred at what may be the last debate of the primaries.

Feb 10 2012

Santorum Expresses Concerns About Women In Combat

In an interview with CNN's John King, GOP candidate Rick Santorum expressed his opposition to allowing women to serve in combat, saying it "....may not be in the interest of the mission because of other types of emotions that are involved".

Oct 18 2011

Things We Learned From The Nevada Debate

The GOP candidates take questions in Las Vegas. Guy From Utah boycotted the debate because he thought what happened in Vegas should stay in Vegas.

Seven of the approximately 40,000 Republican hopefuls for the GOP Presidential candidacy lined-up in Las Vegas to take questions from the audience and moderator Anderson Cooper. Several key points were revealed in the course of the evening.

1: Herman Cain and Rick Perry are brothers. While we see no family resemblance Perry made this point twice.

2: Michele Bachmann is a member of the Russian Navy. She proudly wore her uniform to the Nevada event.

3: Rick Perry and Mitt Romney really, really hate each other. A lot.

4: No one cares at all what Rick Santorum has to say.

5: Newt Gingrich thinks he’s on a book tour.

6: Ron Paul knows how to get applause. Say you think war stinks and so does having to pay taxes. Say it over and over and over, as is you really have nothing else to say. Except you hate the Federal Reserve Bank almost as much as Rick Perry and Mitt Romney hate each other.

7: Herman Cain does well under pressure even if he does have absolutely no clue what he’s talking about. Probably comes from working the counter at the pizza joint on Friday nights.

Sep 12 2011

Perry Is Target Of Opportunity In Latest GOP Debate

The candidates line up before the debate so an audience member can identify the person who stole her purse.

In a case of fairly strange bedfellows, CNN and the Tea Party Express put on a GOP debate at the Florida State Fairgrounds in Tampa. Texas Governor Rick Perry is ahead in the polls, and the other candidates took every opportunity to criticize him for his statements about Social Security and his record in Texas. Only Newt Gingrich stayed above the fray as he continued his campaign to seem like the “nice” candidate who refuses to spar with other Republicans.

When called on his support of a law requiring prepubescent girls to be immunized against the human papilloma virus, a sexually transmitted disease that can lead to cervical cancer, Perry responded “I will always err on the side of human life – and since I may have unprotected sex with some of these girls in the near future, my life needs to be protected.” Michele Bachmann pointed-out that one of Perry’s aides was associated with a pharmaceutical company that made a profit from the legislation, but Perry had a ready response to the allegation of influence peddling: “That was part of my jobs plan – that’s how we create jobs by helping companies expand into new markets like prepubescent girls.”

The audience applauded Ron Paul when he said the economy would improve if we didn’t spend trillions of dollars on foreign wars. The crowd seemed to like the idea of saving money. But Paul drew derisive boos when he tried to make the case that terrorism is a result of arrogant American foreign policies instead of a rabid and unreasoning hatred of Americans because we’re so free, good, and pure, as Rick Santorum insisted.

Businessman Herman Cain said very little because moderator Wolf Blitzer didn’t ask him any questions. Blitzer tried to send some questions Cain’s way, but every time he did members of the Tea Party audience brandished nooses and buckets of hot tar.

After the debate a poll showed that most voters thought Rick Perry was a plastic department store dummy that can talk, while Mitt Romney drew the most votes for “inflatable life raft”. As usual Ron Paul took the prize for “most incoherent”, while The Guy From Utah and Rick Santorum tied for “who are those guys, anyway?”. Candidates Bachmann and Gingrich were in their usual tie for “most difficult to see behind the podium”.

Jun 14 2011

Five Things We Learned From the New Hampshire Debate

The seven Republican candidates size each other up as the debate begins.

Sometimes we have to interpret the stuff the mainstream media puts out there in the guise of “information”.

1: Michele Bachmann can’t make up her mind until the last minute. She announced at the debate that she had just filed as a candidate.

2: Mitt Romney thinks he has already won the primaries. He spread the love for his GOP rivals while focusing on President Obama – and was careful never to mention Osama bin Laden. Instead he targeted Obama’s failure to turn-around Bush’s recession. It was as if the other six people on stage were just there to fill space to his left and his right – CNN strategically placed Romney in the center of the lineup.

3: Tim Pawlenty is a wimp. Before the debate he was lumping Obama and Romney together for their health care policies, dubbing them “Obamneycare”. At the debate Pawlenty bowed and scraped to Romney as if he thought Romney had already won the primaries, too. Maybe he’s bucking for a Romney/Pawlenty ticket.

4: Michele Bachmann may be a ventriloquist dummy. Her head barely showed above the podium. How do we know her lips were actually moving in sync with the words?

5: Newt Gingrich has nothing new to say. He should change his name to “Oldt”. Of course this turned-out well for him in the debate, since all his campaign people quit on him the day before. But Newt just spewed the same old “Contract On America” garbage – no need for a new script.