He Likes People Who Aren’t Dead

And He Would Have Endorsed A Run In 2020

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“Brain And Brain! What Is Brain?”

McCain Wants Tracking Bracelets On Immigrant Children

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McCain And Graham Criticize Syria Agreement

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McCain Now Against NSA Spying On Citizens

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McCain Criticizes Obama Position On AUMF

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Rice Withdraws From State Dept. Bid

U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice has withdrawn her name from consideration for the post of Secretary of State in the aftermath of severe criticism from congressional Republicans over her testimony on the terrorist attacks on the U.S. diplomatic mission in Libya.

“We just don’t want another woman or another negro in the cabinet” said Senator John McCain, Rice’s most outspoken critic. “So we’ve killed two birds with one smear campaign. This is as close as we’ll get to beating the crap out of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.”

Some analysts think the Republicans have made a mistake in making Rice the scapegoat for the delayed reaction to the attacks on the U.S. mission in Benghazi, Libya, where Ambassador Chris Stevens and three other Americans were killed. This seems to let Hillary Clinton off the hook in the debacle, and clears the way for her probable presidential run in 2016.

It Seems To Be A Problem In Washington

How Did We Miss This?: McCain Almost Endorses Obama

Senator John McCain, who defeated Mitt Romney in 2008 for the Republican nomination for president, slipped-up and almost endorsed President Barack Obama instead of Romney at a campaign appearance in Goose Creek Patch, SC, back in January.

Obama Campaign Manager Criticized For “Chimichanga” Tweet

Jim Messina, President Obama's campaign manager and formerly of pop-duo "Loggins and Messina", quoted a remark made by the Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank, which was partly a reference to a quote from Arizona Senator John McCain, saying "The chimichanga? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer Latinos." Conservative Latino groups - well, there's one - want Messina to apologize for the insensitivity of his quote of Dana Milbank referencing John McCain. Got that?

What Luck!

We Interrupt This Blog For This Important Announcement

Senate Okays Defense Bill With New Detainee Policy

Senators Carl Levin (D - Michigan) and John McCain (R - Berlin) announce their "compromise" detainee policy. Instead of allowing the military to detain U.S. citizens indefinitely in undisclosed locations, the compromise allows the military to detain U.S. citizens indefinitely in undisclosed locations.

After years of trying to get legislation passed that would gut guarantees to due process of law, Senator John McCain finally won one today when the Senate passed a new Defense Bill that includes McCain’s new military detainee policy.

The new policy allows the military to detain anyone suspected of being an al Qaeda operative for an indefinite period of time without recourse to the courts. This policy affects both non-citizens and citizens alike.

Senator Dianne Feinstein (D – California) said “I object to holding American citizens without trial. I do not believe that makes us more safe.”

Senator Lindsay Graham (R – South Carolina) said “You have people on the left who hate saying ‘the war on terror’. They would never ever use the military and always insist the law enforcement be used because they don’t buy into the idea that we’re at war. They want to criminalize the war.” Graham went on to say “These are precisely the kind of al Qaeda agents this bill will allow us to round up and make disappear – starting with that wrinkly old bitch Feinstein!”

President Barack Obama has indicated he will veto the budget bill, although that seems unlikely since such a veto would take resolve, aggressiveness, and balls – none of which the President possesses.

GOP Criticizes Obama For Ending Iraq War

Yes, Mr. Ex-President, yes it was.

GOP leaders are criticizing President Barack Obama for announcing all U.S. forces will leave Iraq by December 31, 2011. The announcement has been called a “bad idea” by Senator John McCain, a sign if “failure” by candidate Michele Bachmann, and “an astonishing failure to secure an orderly transition in Iraq” by candidate Mitt Romney.

If leaving Iraq is a failure, it’s a failure of George W. Bush, who set that date as the deadline for withdrawal back in 2004. “But I didn’t really mean it!” Bush said when contacted  standing next to a manure pile at this ranch in Texas. “I was just bullshitting the Iraqis. Hell, I didn’t think we’d ever manage to get our asses out of there.”