The question has been asked, why do liberals fear this black conservative? It could be they’re afraid he may force their head into his crotch.
Conservative anti-tax guru Grover Norquist says he’s not responsible for the Congressional Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction’s failure to reach a debt-reduction deal. As president of Americans for Tax Reform, Norquist encouraged Republican members of the “super committee” to sign a pledge that binds them to resist raising taxes. In an appearance on CNN Norquist claimed the pledge was between the country and its congressmen.
“I’m just the mid-wife, so-to-speak, who guides resistance to tax increases from the birth canal of fiscal conservatism, through the vagina of Republican political philosophy, and out into the world of fiscal legislation where I slap it on the butt to make it vomit forth the after-birth of freedom!”
Disgusted CNN viewers switched to reruns of “Gilligan’s Island”.
Vice President Joe Biden is prepared to play a key role in campaign battleground states “by staying out of them” a source close to the Obama reelection effort revealed.
Biden, who is affectionately known as “Old Foot-in-Mouth” among those close to Obama has been restricted to traveling to Orange County, California “because really, what damage can he do there?” the unnamed source said.
Students protesting at the University of California at Davis were repeatedly pepper-sprayed by a campus police officer as they sat across a walkway on the bucolic Northern California campus. The entire confrontation was captured live on video from numerous handheld cameras and broadcast over the Internet almost instantaneously.
Lt. John Pike of the University of California at Davis Police Department ((530) 752-3989 email@example.com), who we understand really likes to have a LOT of pizza delivered, sprayed the seated protesters at close range. When the gasping and moaning students still refused to move, Pike sprayed them a second time.
According to UC Davis police chief Annette Spicuzza, the students were surrounding police officers as they sat in their tightly-linked circle. “They were cutting the officers off from their support, It’s a very volatile situation. School police are not very well trained, and can snap under stress – we’re just lucky there were no broken bones, crushed skulls, or deaths as a result of the police panic.”
UC Davis chancellor Linda Katehi is forming a task force to investigate the police action. “The use of the pepper spray as shown on the video is chilling to us all and raises many questions about how best to handle situations like this,” Katehi said. “Of course we could just view the dozens of on-the-spot videos of the incident, but that might not leave enough wiggle room for politicians like me to distance ourselves from the events. We’re looking at instituting a ‘Barney Fife’ policy, whereby each officer will have one tiny pepper in their pocket – perhaps a jalapeno or a serano.”
Goldline International, Inc. has been charged by the Santa Monica city attorney with “bait and switch” tactics, the Los Angeles Times reports (and coincidentally the story has an ad for Goldline embedded in it). The charges state that Goldline advertised the sale of gold bullion, but then convinced customers to buy gold coins at a huge mark-up over market cost.
Goldline has long been represented by media personalities such as Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and some guy named Mark Levin. Financial gurus like Bernie Madoff and Michael Milken also call the company “a solid source of income for myself”.
While Fox News would be the first to call for the resignation of journalists in the liberal media, say at CNN, who associated themselves with fraudulent business activities, no one expects the same standard to apply to Fox’s own commentators. “We’ve been reporting fake news for years, so what’s the big deal?” asked Fox head Roger Ailes.
Teenagers across America are using tampons soaked in vodka to get drunk at school.
Members of the Congressional Super Committee charged with forging a bipartisan debt reduction agreement have been making the rounds of political chat shows, and are signaling they are no closer to agreement than they ever have been. There is one sign of movement: Republicans on the committee are saying the words “tax revenue” without the strained look of constipation they have shown in the past.
Republican mathematical theory is no better than ever though, as they insist they will increase tax revenue by lowering tax rates, keeping the Bush tax cuts for the rich, and gutting programs for the poor, elderly, and disabled such as Medicare – or “Communist Wealth Redistribution”, as they like to call it.
Democrats insist the Bush tax cuts must end, and that increased taxes on the wealthiest Americans, and moderate cuts to programs will ensure debt is brought under control without casting the low-income segment of the population to the wolves (i.e. Republicans).
Except for these differences they are in complete agreement as to how debt reduction can be accomplished. And if they don’t come to an agreement by November 23, and if Congress doesn’t pass legislation based on an agreement by December 23, draconian spending cuts will automatically be enacted, not only cutting entitlement programs but the Republican sacred-cow, the defense budget.
The smart money in Vegas is on Draco.
At 1100 hours Greenwich Mean Time on November 11, 1918, the fighting in Europe ended and brought to an end the four bloodiest years in the history of human civilization.
There’s nothing cosmic or mystical about it – people just got tired of the pointless slaughter.
93 years ago today.
Congresswoman Michele Bachmann tried to re-energize her failing presidential campaign by accusing her Republican opponents of being “frugal socialists”. Bachmann claimed President Obama and her Republican rivals support “socialized medicine … because they share the same core political philosophy about the purpose of government.”
“I mean look at the color the Republican party has adopted to symbolize its ideals: red – the color of socialism! You won’t catch me dead in red!”
An aide then whispered in Bachmann’s ear and she added: “That’s why I’m wearing this nice salmon-colored jacket today!”
A jury found Dr. Conrad Murray guilty of manslaughter in the death of pop star Michael Jackson on Monday. Murray was found guilty of a single count of manslaughter for administering a fatal dose of the drug Propofol to the now all-but-beatified Jackson, who just a few years ago was excoriated as a child molester and possible illegal alien from another galaxy.
Nothing rehabilitates a creep like death. A few years ago it was Jackson in the defendant’s chair and we were all talking about what a disgusting pervert he was. Now, because he died at the hand of an unethical doctor whom he paid to supply him with drugs, we’re all talking about how he deserves ‘justice’.
Sharon Bialek, who worked at the National Restaurant Association’s education foundation, has alleged that Republican presidential front-runner Herman Cain groped her shortly after she stopped working for the lobbying group.
Shortly after leaving the NRA Bialek contacted Cain to ask for help finding a job. She traveled to Washington, D.C. to meet with Cain. When she arrived she discovered he had upgraded her hotel accommodations to a luxury suite, then took her to dinner in an Italian restaurant (always a sign of trouble), and then while on the way to the NRA offices in a limo Cain placed one hand under her skirt and the other on the back of her head, forcing her toward his crotch. When she protested Cain stopped and said “You want a job, right? Well the job is in my pants.”
However, Bialek says, the job was not in his pants, and what was was not the kind of work she was seeking. “I was looking for a good job” she said.
Remember back when she didn’t look like a gay nun that wants to kill the Pope?